Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Why I disagree with the popular article "Marriage isn't for you"...

Yesterday I went into Deseret Book and saw this little thing on one of the shelves:

I wanted to throw something at it. I get why this idea is so popular, even if I don't like it. Seth Smith (the Author) describes marriage as being for the one you love, being for your future children, etc. It's a good image to paint, a marriage that isn't for you, it reminds you that you are supposed to be selfless and thinking about others happiness above your own. But I have different feelings about it. 
In my awesome, fun, rockin' marriage, Zack and I have an equal amount of selfishness and selflessness. Let me explain.
When we go to a restaurant I usually order salmon (its my favorite) and Zack usually orders Steak. We have different personalities. I like steak but love salmon. Zack hates salmon and loves steak. This is how our marriage works. I realize that without him our partnership wouldn't work, without  him being level headed our marriage would constantly blow up in flames due to my short fuse. Without him things just wouldn't work. Without him I would never get to try those few bites of steak because I always order Salmon. 
Marrying Zack was the best thing I did for me so I think that Marriage is for you and its for the one you love. 
Zack has made me a better person, he has taught me to let go of things in my past, forgive and forget. He's taught me to remember that people aren't always judging me, or gossiping about me, they usually have better things to do. 
Zack has made me feel and be aware of how much God loves me, because Zack loves me no matter what I do. Even if I don't look cute, or I 'm super grumpy in the morning (which always happen). 
Zack was the one there to help me when I had a miscarriage
Zack is the one there to hold me tight when I have nightmares all night. 
Zack is the one working hard all day so I have a comfortable life.
Zack completes me.
I wouldn't have gotten married if I didn't benefit from the situation, and I feel that a lot of agree. I wouldn't have gotten married if I wasn't going to be happy. Zack gives that to me, complete happiness. 
Maybe I am just being selfish but I know Zack would write a list just like this for me. 
So you see, my marriage was as much for me as it was for Zack. Together we make it  a selfless relationship.
It's okay if you don't think you are ready for marriage, don't feel guilty about that. Marriage is a huge, life altering decision. My advice in that situation would be to think about what would life be like if your boyfriend or girlfriend wasn't there anymore. Would you be happy? Would you be longing for them to be with you? Other questions to ask: Will this person make me grow? Will this person love me unconditionally? Will I love this person unconditionally? Will this person work through problems or run away? All good things to think about when considering getting married.
 I think that Marriage is a two-way street. Each of you has to give 100% to your marriage. It's not for one person to give 100 and another to give 50 but both of you have to actively participate to make it work.
I probably never would have married if I didn't know that I would be happier in the end, or had some benefits in the future. I have had to put a lot of dreams on hold for the time being because I have a family now (it may just be Zack but it's still a family). So remember, Marriage IS for you and its for the one you love. Don't believe anything different.

P.S. If you don't agree with me on this that's okay, also if you think I am super selfish that's okay too. Maybe I am :)

1 comment:

  1. We do love us some good Zackalackadodo! So love that you are in our family, Caitibug!